How to Cope With Twins

Dealing with twins is a learning process. You will not realise how quickly you pick things up until you look back and realise just how far you've come and how much easier things have become.

That's not to say it's all blue skies ahead - it's just the storms become less frequent and you cope a lot better with them than you did before.

Develop a sense of humour - you'll need it. Don't worry what others think - what do they know anyway. Take advice by all means but filter it - you're the mum and you instinctively know best. Rest when you can, eat well, share the load and above all, enjoy those babies. It may seem unlikely just now, but you'll look back on their early childhood in years to come and realise all the hard work was worth it.

Here's a few more tips and ideas that may help . . .

Get them into a routine

With property the old adage is "Location, location, location" and for newborns, particularly twins, it should be "Routine, routine, routine". Their little body clocks can be trained to expect feeding and sleep time at certain points. Ideally both babies should be put down for naps at the same time. At night time a soothing bath, soft lighting, calm and quiet voices and then bed in a darkened room, will help develop healthy sleep patterns.

In the first few weeks, keep a note of when each baby has been fed or changed to ensure you don't change twin A twice whilst twin B is splashing around in his nappy. You'll also learn their feeding and waking patterns which will help you formulate a routine.

Initially, it may be easier to have the babies in bed with you, especially if you are breastfeeding as you'll get more rest if you're not up and down out of bed like a yoyo all night. When they sleep for longer and longer during the night, you can move them to their own cots.

Don't stress yourself out trying to get the perfect routine going - routines do take time to develop and it'll be an ongoing process through infancy and childhood. They are babies, not little machines but if it can squeeze a little "me time", however short that time may be, it can be worth it.

Two's company

Your babies have been together since conception and will find their twins presence a comfort. A shared cot (particularly when they're tiny) not only helps maintain their close bond but makes it easier for you as they'll wake at the same time for feeds.

It's true that twins can be incredibly hard work at first, but it soon gets easier. But unlike single babies, they'll have a constant companion and playmate until they go their separate ways as adults.

Feed the babies at the same time

If you can, feed the babies at the same time. This can be hard work to start off with especially if you're breastfeeding, but if they're finished at the same time, chances are you'll get a few hours rest before the next feed comes around.

Bottle feeding is not a sign of failure and you can even combine a mixture of breast and bottle - if it works for you and the babies are fed, then there is no right or wrong way to do it. And the benefit of bottle feeding is that you don't have to do it all.

It all comes down to routine again. If one baby is still asleep while the other is bawling and their next feed is due, you should feed them both, even if that means waking one of them up.

Sleep when you can

Particularly in the early days, you'll need as much sleep as you can get. If the babies are both napping, take advantage, and take twenty winks at the same time.

Turn off your phone and leave a "Do not disturb" note on the door to save you being woken up by visitors / callers.

Get as much help as you can

You only have two arms, so an extra pair of hands comes in very useful. Ask relatives, friends and even neighbours - chances are they'll love to help so don't be afraid on taking anyone up on their offer of help.

Join a twin support group

There are national and local organisations for twins and their parents. Don't lock yourself away at home, get out and meet other mums who've had twins (or more). Not only is it great to speak to adults again, but they can be a really useful source of advice and information.

Take good care of yourself

It can be hard in the first few days to even drag yourself out of bed. But it's important to greet each day in a positive frame. So that means getting up, getting washed and dressed. It may take till midday to find the time to do it, but guaranteed, you'll feel better than if you were slopping around in your PJs all day.

Eat well and get plenty of fluids, particularly if you are breastfeeding. Get as much help as you can to allow you time to relax in a bath, get half an hours kip or have a meal that lasts longer than a minute.

Get out for walks - you'll feel better and the babies will love the fresh air and movement of the buggy too. The movement of the buggy will probably send them both off to sleep, synchronising their nap times.

If you can join a gym or go swimming or to aerobics or pilates or whatever exercise you'll enjoy.

Don't be tempted to buy junk food, fast food or ready meals - you're trying to lose weight, not gain it!

PND (Post Natal Depression) is more prevalent amongst mums of more than one baby. A study by TAMBA found that 17% of mothers who had a multiple birth experienced PND, compared with an average of 10% among all mothers. Another 18% of mothers of multiples were not sure if the feelings they had amounted to postnatal depression. Women are more likely to suffer if they have had depression before, do not have a supportive partner, have a premature or sick baby, or lost their mother when they were a child. Sleep deprivation and lack of support also play a role. If you feel you are suffering from post natal depression or just feel a bit low, you should speak to your doctor or health visitor.

Housework

Learn not to be too house proud. Unless you have a good fairy, in the form of a friend or relative popping in and doing the necessary for you, your house will have a very different look than it did pre baby.

Get your shopping delivered - all the major supermarkets will deliver your groceries for a small charge. And it'll save you having to buy and transport boxes of nappies.

Invaluable equipment

A bouncy chair provides a safe, comfy and secure place to sit. As the babies get a bit older, they'll be awake for longer each day. The bouncy chair lets them lie back in comfort, kick their little legs and watch the world go by. If you have your hands full with one of them, the other is secure.

You don't need to spend a fortune - second hand baby equipment is ten a penny and is often like new. Your costs of having two babies is higher than that of a single baby, so anything you can save is a bonus.

Enjoy your babies

Okay, at the start, you might not enjoy it that much, but those babies will soon be smiling, gurgling and developing their own wonderful little personalities. Spend time all together but also try and spend time with each one of them separately too.

You'll become aware of the interest that people have in twins when you have them out and about. If you are having an off day and can't face the same old questions and comments, just avoid eye contact.

Also make sure that any big brothers and sisters are not left out. Try to spend quality time with them too and make sure they're included when the twins are being cooed over.

Develop a sense of humour

Develop a sense of humour - you'll need it. Not just at this stage, but for every "difficult stage" kids (twins or not) all go through from birth until they're in gainful employment and happy relationships (even then you'll probably fret).

Everyone will be full of advice and opinions. Take advice by all means but filter it - you're the mum and you instinctively know best.

Don't forget that the early days are hard but they will soon pass and things will get easier.

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